Yes, I'm All That! Foundation is not by, any means, a physical baby. No epidurals in my spine but there were plenty nights of sleep deprivation that led to a tingling spine. Day and night and night and day I spent in heavy preparation. No weekly visits to the doctor for heart rate checks but I could feel God tugging on my heart assuring me that everything was growing healthy and strong. There are no Godparents to be found in this situation, however, I was not spared of birthing pains. Day and night and night and day, my only desire was to seek God, consult with Him, and prepare!!!!!
I remember preparing for the birth of our first daughter, Lawren. I could hardly sleep due to the amount of excitement that bounced around the walls of heart. If any family member looked for me, they could already assume that I was busy. They knew that they could find me painting, building or assembling something related to the baby. Now that I think, I may need to go and apologize the handsome guys, Lawrence (my husband) and Ashton (my son), in my life ;--)
Strategy was the new word within my spirit after attending a Christian conference for women with my niece. The woman of God spoke about women being the strategy of God to get His
word to the people. It was at this point I felt a strong urge from the Holy Spirit that there was something on the inside of me that would turn someone's heart towards God but I was not completely sure of what that might be. The word strategy had entered my spirit because I was it...the strategy. I was over the moon excited at the fact that God deemed me as a strategy but utterly discouraged because it was still unclear as to how He would use me as one.
"Prepare yourself. People will say this, "Who does she think she is?"
I heard this audibly in my ear as I kneeled down to pray on that night. I was still very confused as to what God wanted me to do exactly.
The Lord whispered in my ear. "If you want to continue on this walk on a path of obedience, condition yourself to hear these words."
In my serious case of people bondage, for a moment, I was unsure if I could hold up on my end of the deal. Rejection! Rejection! Rejection! It was the only thing weighing heavily during this moment. People won't like me anymore. People will think of me as the crazy Christian lady who testifies 'only' every time she gets to do so.
I replied, "Lord, whatever it is that you have in mind, can there be some other way? One of which, I am neither seen nor heard?"
"Do you have a fear of men or do you have a fear of me?" The Lord questioned me.
Talking with God on this night was as natural as speaking to my biological father. The relationship I shared with my late father was that of a true king and a princess. There has never ever been a doubt in my mind that he loved me and would protect me at all costs. I also experienced forgiveness on great levels with my father thanks to my bratty personality and dare I mention the son I bore out of wedlock just 4 weeks shy of his passing. If an earthly father figure could make this much of impact, just imagine what our heavenly father could do in your life? Could you imagine a father who could do anything EXCEPT lie or fail.
The questions that I have always known the answers too flowed from God.
"Are you loved by me? Are you not forgiven by me? Are you fearfully and wonderfully made? While you are flawed, do I not consider you good?"
With eyes full of tears and a nose filled with snot, I realized in that moment what God wanted to reveal to me. I stopped crying and I looked up to whisper to Him, "Yes, I'm All That!" I am truly ALL that God has declared me to be!! The only difference is that I really believe it.
It was in this moment I was able to realize that the wonderful relationship I experienced with both my earthly father and my heavenly father was not a result of something I did great or anything that was partial to me. It was only to further the gospel and to fulfill the will of God. The relationship with my earthly father prepared me to trust my heavenly father. The relationship I share with Christ, currently, has rewarded me a great enough confidence to help women view themselves through the eyes of a loving, protective, and gracious father.